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Author Topic: We Need A Little Humor !!!!  (Read 1326 times)
Homestretch
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« Reply #50 on: February 25, 2013, 04:09:45 PM »

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship !!
 Shocked Shocked
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Pius soho
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« Reply #51 on: February 25, 2013, 04:10:29 PM »

Burke training regime

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Homestretch
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« Reply #52 on: February 25, 2013, 04:12:04 PM »

And this one is for my ex-girlfriend:

The last thing I want to do is hurt you !!
But it's still on the list !!
 Grin Grin Grin Grin
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Psycho Dad
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« Reply #53 on: February 25, 2013, 04:13:42 PM »

Speaking of funny, how about a guy who thinks a thread about humor is stupid, but can't stop reading it.

Now THAT'S funny.  bang head
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Homestretch
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« Reply #54 on: February 25, 2013, 04:14:08 PM »

Politicans and diapers have one thing in common:
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason !!
 laughing guy laughing guy
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nextbonus
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« Reply #55 on: February 25, 2013, 04:25:50 PM »

The teacher is asking her pupils to use words in a sentence.  She asks little Wink to use the word urinate.

Little Wink says to his teacher. "Urinate...but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."
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VicD
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« Reply #56 on: February 25, 2013, 05:51:50 PM »

From the Little Rascals:
"Buckwheat, can you use the word dictate in a sentence?"
I think most of us know the rest.....
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« Reply #57 on: February 25, 2013, 08:30:11 PM »

The teacher is asking her pupils to use words in a sentence.  She asks little Wink to use the word urinate.

Little Wink says to his teacher. "Urinate...but if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."


THATS  FUNNY I JUST GOT IT,,

KOOL dude dude dude dude dude thumbs up laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy
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Homestretch
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« Reply #58 on: February 26, 2013, 10:24:34 AM »

An old Italian man who is dying calls his grandson to his bedside,
Guido, "I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you take-a my chrome plated .38
revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your
Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you
gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a
couplea bambinos."   "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. a”Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?
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« Reply #59 on: February 26, 2013, 01:29:16 PM »

An old Italian man who is dying calls his grandson to his bedside,
Guido, "I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you take-a my chrome plated .38
revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your
Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you
gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a
couplea bambinos."   "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. a”Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up'?



i dont get the joke..

 head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake


HIZ WIFE GOT HIS WATCH?Huh
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Mr_Ed
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« Reply #60 on: February 26, 2013, 07:20:52 PM »

The auditor asks LUC: "You lead an amazingly extravagant lifestyle yet you have no job. How do you expect us to believe you're not hiding something from us?"

So LUC and his lawyer are called by the IRS to be audited.

LUC claims that he makes his money gambling, which the IRS agent still finds to be fishy, so LUC says, "Here, I'll prove it to you, I bet you $1000 that I can bite my eye!"

"Deal!" shouts the auditor, thinking there's no way he can lose. LUC then proceeds to pull out his glass eye and chomp down on it.

The auditor is aghast.  Then LUC says: "Alright, now I bet you $2000 that I can bite my other eye."

Desperate to get his money back the IRS agent agrees. LUC pulls out his dentures and bites his other eye.

The auditor is a wreck by now, he's just lost $3000 dollars to LUC with the lawyer as a witness.

LUC then says, "Alright, last one, double or nothing. I bet I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that trash can over there without getting a single drop in between!" And again, the desperate auditor agrees, thinking the task impossible.

LUC stands up, unzips his pants, and pees all over the auditor's desk. The auditor is ecstatic, but the lawyer is starting to cry. When the auditor asks why he says: "When LUC told me he had to come to be audited he bet me $20,000 that he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"


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Homestretch
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« Reply #61 on: February 26, 2013, 07:42:51 PM »

The auditor asks LUC: "You lead an amazingly extravagant lifestyle yet you have no job. How do you expect us to believe you're not hiding something from us?"

So LUC and his lawyer are called by the IRS to be audited.

LUC claims that he makes his money gambling, which the IRS agent still finds to be fishy, so LUC says, "Here, I'll prove it to you, I bet you $1000 that I can bite my eye!"

"Deal!" shouts the auditor, thinking there's no way he can lose. LUC then proceeds to pull out his glass eye and chomp down on it.

The auditor is aghast.  Then LUC says: "Alright, now I bet you $2000 that I can bite my other eye."

Desperate to get his money back the IRS agent agrees. LUC pulls out his dentures and bites his other eye.

The auditor is a wreck by now, he's just lost $3000 dollars to LUC with the lawyer as a witness.

LUC then says, "Alright, last one, double or nothing. I bet I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that trash can over there without getting a single drop in between!" And again, the desperate auditor agrees, thinking the task impossible.

LUC stands up, unzips his pants, and pees all over the auditor's desk. The auditor is ecstatic, but the lawyer is starting to cry. When the auditor asks why he says: "When LUC told me he had to come to be audited he bet me $20,000 that he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"



laughing guy
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« Reply #62 on: February 26, 2013, 08:04:14 PM »

The auditor asks LUC: "You lead an amazingly extravagant lifestyle yet you have no job. How do you expect us to believe you're not hiding something from us?"

So LUC and his lawyer are called by the IRS to be audited.

LUC claims that he makes his money gambling, which the IRS agent still finds to be fishy, so LUC says, "Here, I'll prove it to you, I bet you $1000 that I can bite my eye!"

"Deal!" shouts the auditor, thinking there's no way he can lose. LUC then proceeds to pull out his glass eye and chomp down on it.

The auditor is aghast.  Then LUC says: "Alright, now I bet you $2000 that I can bite my other eye."

Desperate to get his money back the IRS agent agrees. LUC pulls out his dentures and bites his other eye.

The auditor is a wreck by now, he's just lost $3000 dollars to LUC with the lawyer as a witness.

LUC then says, "Alright, last one, double or nothing. I bet I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that trash can over there without getting a single drop in between!" And again, the desperate auditor agrees, thinking the task impossible.

LUC stands up, unzips his pants, and pees all over the auditor's desk. The auditor is ecstatic, but the lawyer is starting to cry. When the auditor asks why he says: "When LUC told me he had to come to be audited he bet me $20,000 that he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"




I DONT GET IT,,

WHATS DA PUNCH LINE,,,

I HAVE A JOB?? laughing guy

I WORK HARDER THAN ,,OBAMA... laughing guy

BUT DONT UNDERSTAND THE JOKE ED??

AM I  SLOW???

JUST ASKIN nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah
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the exactorman
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« Reply #63 on: February 26, 2013, 08:08:06 PM »



i dont get the joke..

 head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake


HIZ WIFE GOT HIS WATCH?Huh
laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy
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Mr_Ed
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« Reply #64 on: February 26, 2013, 08:10:49 PM »

LUC, you wrote on your 1040 your job is Capitalization.

Problem?.......it's the keyboard type you're into.

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« Reply #65 on: February 26, 2013, 08:12:16 PM »

I GOT IT,,LUC STILL WON,,17OOOK..

THTS FUNNY,,,

MAKES U LIKE THINK,, head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake head shake sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm
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« Reply #66 on: February 26, 2013, 08:13:46 PM »

LUC, you wrote on your 1040 your job is Capitalization.

Problem?.......it's the keyboard type you're into.



ARE U TALKIN ABOUT MY DISABLITIES,,,

ITS NO T FUNNY,,,I'M LEGALLY ,,BLONDE...

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Mr_Ed
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« Reply #67 on: February 26, 2013, 08:15:42 PM »

ARE U TALKIN ABOUT MY DISABLITIES,,,

ITS NO T FUNNY,,,I'M LEGALLY ,,BLONDE...



LUC............. beer
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« Reply #68 on: February 26, 2013, 08:17:20 PM »

LUC............. beer
thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up heart heart heart heart trophy trophy trophy trophy

I KNOW U JUST JOSHIN...

HAVE NICE NIGHT BOYS...
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BTRAINER
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« Reply #69 on: February 26, 2013, 08:17:51 PM »

@Mr.Ed, awesome you should write short stories.
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Homestretch
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« Reply #70 on: February 26, 2013, 08:26:29 PM »

@Mr.Ed, awesome you should write short stories.
ABOUT LUC Huh
 Grin
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BTRAINER
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« Reply #71 on: February 26, 2013, 11:00:07 PM »

ABOUT LUC Huh
 Grin

YEP...he's on my short list
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