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Author Topic: We Need A Little Humor !!!!  (Read 1603 times)
Homestretch
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« on: February 23, 2013, 03:31:09 PM »

THIS ONE IS ESPECIALLY FUNNY !!!
 Grin Grin

Subj: The kindest cut

Five surgeons at a conference are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington DC, shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable!'
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APPRENTICE
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« Reply #1 on: February 23, 2013, 03:36:31 PM »

GOOD HUMOR..

I'LL HAVE A VANILLA,,ICE CREAM CONE... thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up
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Homestretch
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« Reply #2 on: February 23, 2013, 03:39:08 PM »

GOOD HUMOR..

I'LL HAVE A VANILLA,,ICE CREAM CONE... thumbs up thumbs up thumbs up
THERE'S A GREAT JOKE ABOUT THAT, BUT IT'S XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX RATED !!
HAVE TO TELL YOU IN PERSON !
 laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy
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« Reply #3 on: February 23, 2013, 03:43:01 PM »

THERE'S A GREAT JOKE ABOUT THAT, BUT IT'S XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX RATED !!
HAVE TO TELL YOU IN PERSON !
 laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy


HEY ,,JOHNNY,,I DONT GO THAT WAY,,,

OK,,,

SEE DALRAE,,,

HE LUVS DA SWINGING laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy
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Wink Martingale
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« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2013, 03:52:18 PM »

Q.  Why did the surrealist cross the road?

A.  Fish
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"Some people like Jews and some do not; but no thoughtful man can doubt the fact that they are beyond all question the most formidable and the most remarkable race which has ever appeared in the world."

--Winston Churchill
Vegas
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« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2013, 04:09:43 PM »

Customer~~May I have two prophylactics please~
Clerk~~~~~Yes sir,that will be $5.00 would you like a bag~
Customer~~No,she ain't that bad looking~
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I trust no one, not even myself~~
Mr_Ed
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Stop gabbin and get me Pinochle cards!




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« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2013, 04:27:31 PM »



I'm going to drink concrete so I can get stoned.
 









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BTRAINER
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« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2013, 04:30:44 PM »

How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start with a large FORTUNE....
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APPRENTICE
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« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2013, 04:32:42 PM »

How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start with a large FORTUNE....


EASY,,,

WILL DO THE JOKES ARE HERE,....MISS,,

 head shake head shake head shake laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah
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Mr_Ed
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« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2013, 04:36:43 PM »

A lady walks into the shoe store.  After fashioning some......she lights a cigarette.  The clerk says, "Hey lady.....you can't smoke here".  She puts it out and finds a pair she likes.  The lady pays the clerk and begins to walk out.  The clerk yells "you forgot your change".  The lady turns around and SHE WAS WEARING GLASSES!!!!

 laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy
 





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Wink Martingale
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« Reply #10 on: February 23, 2013, 04:39:05 PM »

Q.  WY DID JUCE JUNKY AND PIGG LANDS CROSSING RODE?

A.  JOSH IS STUPIT.  PLUS TRACEY.
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"Some people like Jews and some do not; but no thoughtful man can doubt the fact that they are beyond all question the most formidable and the most remarkable race which has ever appeared in the world."

--Winston Churchill
salzburg
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« Reply #11 on: February 23, 2013, 04:50:40 PM »

How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start with a large FORTUNE....
trophy thumbs up bowing
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Homestretch
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« Reply #12 on: February 23, 2013, 04:58:03 PM »

THIS WAS TAKEN FROM ANOTHER THREAD, AND IT'S WORTH ANOTHER LOOK !!
ALL IN FUN JJ !!


 Re: HOMESTRETCH KNOWS EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW !!
Reply #561 on: September 20, 2012, 11:01:32 AM Quote Modify 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Sea Biscuit on September 20, 2012, 08:10:16 AM
Here I'll help him out with the question.

Which forum would band Charlemagne err I mean Juice next?

THE EASY ANSWER IS "NONE" !!
ACTUALLY JUICE GOES ON A CRUISE NEXT MONTH, AND NEVER RETURNS !
HERE IS A REPORT FROM THE FUTURE OF EVENTS THAT WILL HAPPEN IN 2013 !!!
 
Stranded on an Island Juice found himself, he knew not how, swept up on the shore of an island.
There was nothing else anywhere to be seen. No person, no supplies, nothing. Juice looked around.
There were some bananas and coconuts, but that was it. Juice was desperate, and forlorn, but decided to make the best of it.
For the next four months Juice ate bananas, drank coconut juice and mostly looked to the sea for a ship to come to his rescue.
One day, as Juice was lying on the beach stroking his beard and looking for a ship, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. Could it be true, was it a ship? No, from around the corner of the island came a rowboat. In it was the most gorgeous woman Juice had ever seen - or at least in last 4 months.
She was tall, tanned, and her blonde hair flowed in the sea breeze.
Juice watched as she rowed her boat toward him.
As she arrived at the beach, Juice asked, "Where did you come from, how did you get here"?
She said, "I rowed from the other side of the island.. I landed on this island when my cruise ship sank"
"Amazing," Juice said, "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there?"
"It is only me," she said. "Would you like to row over to my place?"
Juice and the women both got into the rowboat and left for her side of island.
The woman easily rowed them around to a wharf that led to the approach to her place.
She tied up the rowboat with a beautifully woven hemp rope.
They walked up a stone walk and around a Palm tree, and there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. "It's not much," she said, "but I call it home. Have a seat. Would you like a drink?"
"No," said Juice, "one more coconut juice and I will puke."
"It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied, "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?
Trying to hide his continued amazement, Juice accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
"You look great," said the woman, "I think I will go up and slip into something more comfortable."
After a short time, the woman returned wearing fig leaves strategically positioned and smelling faintly of gardenia.
"Tell me," she purred, "we have both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Have you been lonely? Is there anything that you really miss?" She moved closer to him.
 "Something that all men and woman need? Something that it would be really nice to have right now?"
"Yes there is, now that you mention it," Juice replied, moving closer to her. "Tell me, do you happen to have an Internet connection? I want to log on to BTW and see if all my friends are still there"

     

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BTRAINER
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« Reply #13 on: February 23, 2013, 05:04:49 PM »

TOO FUNNY
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MR.DALRAE
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« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2013, 12:31:40 AM »

B GLAD TO SEE YOUR LAUGHING AGAIN
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Sea Biscuit
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« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2013, 03:51:39 AM »


You wanna hear a JJ funny.

His BTW account got hacked.

 laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy
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Homestretch
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« Reply #16 on: February 24, 2013, 06:34:18 AM »

B GLAD TO SEE YOUR LAUGHING AGAIN
thumbs up thumbs up
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TheRedMile
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« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2013, 08:55:44 AM »

Q.  WY DID JUCE JUNKY AND PIGG LANDS CROSSING RODE?

A.  JOSH IS STUPIT.  PLUS TRACEY.

A. should read because josh told tracy to tell them to
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Wink Martingale
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« Reply #18 on: February 24, 2013, 08:57:13 AM »

You proved my point.  TYFT.  head shake
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"Some people like Jews and some do not; but no thoughtful man can doubt the fact that they are beyond all question the most formidable and the most remarkable race which has ever appeared in the world."

--Winston Churchill
Juicejunkies
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« Reply #19 on: February 24, 2013, 10:30:44 AM »

You wanna hear a JJ funny.

His BTW account got hacked.

 laughing guy laughing guy laughing guy

Attempted.   I just got timed out and had to wait to log in.   Someone tried invalid password to many times.
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Sea Biscuit
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« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2013, 10:37:45 AM »



How do you insure that there is no bomb on the plane will be traveling on?

Carry a bomb with you.

The chances that there are two bombs on the same plane are minuscule.
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APPRENTICE
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« Reply #21 on: February 24, 2013, 10:53:14 AM »

CHANCES OF,,,,,,,,,,,THE KING ,

,,EVERY GETTIN ON A PLANE ,,ALSO VERY IMPROBABLE


SEATS TO SMALL...
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MR.DALRAE
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« Reply #22 on: February 24, 2013, 10:54:42 AM »

KING IS AT HOMELESS SHELTER
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« Reply #23 on: February 24, 2013, 10:55:32 AM »

KING IS AT HOMELESS SHELTER

IMPOSSIBLE,,SLEEPING COTS ,,,TOO SMALL
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MR.DALRAE
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« Reply #24 on: February 24, 2013, 10:57:13 AM »

HAS 3 OF THEM REINFORCED,,,,,WITH TANK METAL
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